5 things I wish I had been told... - West & Rose Farm

5 things I wish I had been told...

I was an emotional train wreck the first two weeks of Vivian's life.  It felt like she was taking me away from my first born who I had gotten to spend the last 5 years with.  I was constantly having to shut myself off from him.  I had to go breast feed, I had to go pump, I had to go rock her to sleep, change her diaper, etc...I felt like I was never getting to see him and it was so much harder on me than it was him.  Between Bubba's school and baseball schedule, and Vivian's demands, I really didn't get to interact with him much.  A couple of times I cried at night while my husband held me because I missed our old normal.  To this day I hate to admit that I felt a tad resentful of Viv during the first couple weeks of having her home. I loved her so much and we had such a special bond from the minute she was born, but I would hear Bubba and his Daddy laughing and carrying on and I just wanted to be there...instead I was shut away in a my bedroom while Viv nursed so hard I bled and cried through it. At the time, it felt like I was never going to adjust...but after those first two weeks I grew to love our new normal.

As I said in number 1, the first two weeks of Vivian's life were hard on me.  I remember feeling like if I was anything less than euphorically happy in front of people they were going to assume I was in danger of having postpartum depression.  First of all, unless I see an MD by your name or you are my husband (who knows me better than anyone else on this planet), check your judgement at the door and just shut the hell up. Second of all, it is OK to struggleIt is OK to not be blissfully happy and even miserable at times.  Newborns are adorable and pudgy...but they are also demanding little terrorists!  Between the poop, colic, lack of sleep and not having a single second of your own...if you were blissfully happy all of the time I would be concerned.  Try not to worry about what other people are going to assume. Stay in tune with yourself and if you need help, get it. Screw the judgement.

If you try to maintain the life you had prior to having your second child you are going to lose your mind.  You are going to feel like a failure 24/7 if you put that kind of pressure on yourself.  I have learned this the hard way, and continue to have to relearn this lesson on a weekly basis. I will plan meals, just as I did before having Vivian. You know, a meat, starch and vegetable meal every night.  I might be successful at cooking like this two-three days a week right now...the other days I resort to fish sticks and quesadillas, throw some carrots or salad on the plate and sniff the milk that smells slightly questionable, but I'm not sure...so I give it to Bubba anyway.  We will know after one sip whether or not it is still good. Instead of focusing on all the things I wish I had done better that day, I decided just to give myself a pat on the back and celebrate the fact that we kept the kids alive another day.  If you look at it that way, you will feel like a rockstar on a daily basis!

No matter how much needs to be done, you have to take time for yourself or you will experience spontaneous combustion....I promise you that your husband can handle both kids at the same time.  I hate how women use that as an excuse..heck, most days my husband is better than I am at handling two kids on his own and he loves to do it!  Quit acting like you have to be there 24/7 or your family will fall apart...They will stay intact and 9 times out of 10 they won't even miss you.  So just go.  Go get that desperately needed manicure or haircut...at the very least go grocery shopping without the kids and take your sweet time...If your husband is coping out and saying he can't do it, call him out on it and tell him to #manup.  There is nothing more manly, or sexier, than a dad doing his job and doing it well.  Mamas give so much of themselves to their family that we need to make sure to keep some for ourselves and our well being. You are more than just a parent.

I have to admit, I struggled with this and still do at times.  I didn't realize how much I was letting our relationship fall by the wayside while trying to stay above water with two kids.  It can be hard.  We both work full-time.  By the time I get the kids home it is 5:45 and I instantly get to working on supper, feeding Viv and helping Bubba with homework.  Hubs is lucky if he gets home from Atlanta by 6:15.  By the time we eat, clean up, help Bubba finish reading homework, bathe the kids and get them to bed it is 8:30pm.  I can't even imagine how crazy our life will get once baseball season starts back up for Bubba.  As amazing as sleep sounds, every now and then you and your spouse need to make a point to be together...I don't just mean in the bedroom, although that is extremely important, I mean talking to one another, keeping each other filled in whats going on in their lives, heck just play a board game together.  Do something that keeps y'all connected and engaged.

One thing I try to remember, in the midst of our chaotic and messy lives, is that one day I will look back on this time in our lives and yearn to have it back.  I will miss the chaos, the poopy diapers and half-assed meals.  One day, the kids will no longer live under the same roof as us.  The thought of this already makes my heart sink.  Life as full-time working parents is so hard, and it stretches us extremely thin at times, but it is beautiful and fulfilling and I cannot imagine our family any other way.

I hope that this post will help my fellow mamas.  I hope just knowing that all mothers struggle, whether they are honest about it or not, will help you know that you are never alone.  You are doing a beautiful job and are raising beautiful children, both inside and out.  Hang in there!

Happy Friday!

Linking up with some of my favorite friday blogs!!


  1. We are six months into life with two and I am still trying to survive! Great post!

  2. It is hard to care for a little one along with a toddler. I am sure you will get through this phase . One of my friends, who has 3 kids, told me she made and freeze almost one month of food before giving birth the 2nd and 3rd child. It made her life easy for the first month after giving birth. She was having C-sections. so, she was able to plan ahead.